SUPERMAN: Welcome to the first episode of Gary's DC Cinematic Universe News! I'm Superman, for those of you who don't know. Even though I don't know HOW you wouldn't kno-
WONDER WOMAN: Cut to the chase, Clark!
SUPERMAN: Sorry. Anyway, I am Superman, one of the anchors!
WONDER WOMAN: And I'm Wonder Woman, the other anchor!
SUPERMAN: The rest of the cast, you should know who they are. But again, I saved the world from Darkseid and his Parademo-
SUPERGIRL: Hey, I helped with that!
SUPERMAN: Eh.. not really.
SUPERGIRL: Why, you little...
GREEN LANTERN: Uh, guys? This wasn't in the script.
SUPERMAN: Huh? Oh yeah! Green Lantern here is our weatherman. Flash and Supergirl are our BNB; Breaking News Broadcasters!
FLASH: -waves to screen- Hey, Iris!
SUPERMAN: Creeper and Green Arrow are our sportscasters, and Batman is our rumor true-or-false person!
BATMAN: You could have just said the "Rumor Confirmer"...
CREEPER: I like that title better.
FLASH: Me too!
GREEN LANTERN: Guys! Still not part of the script!
SUPERMAN: Sorry. Anyways, let's get to the first part of this episode. GL, the weather?
GREEN LANTERN: Let's see. There's a high chance of sunny days for the next week. Except for Sunday. That's the day that Thomas and Martha Wayne died, so Batman is going to visit their graves. It's going to be a sad day.
BATMAN: I hate you.
SUPERMAN: Supergirl, Flash, is there any breaking news?
FLASH: Let's see.. Edward Nigma just got fired from Wayne Enterprises... the Red Lanterns were just defeated and Tomar-Re died in the battle... Superman saved the world from Darkseid... Steve Trevor brought Wonder Woman to America... and Hunter Zolomon tried to take my DNA so he can gain super speed. Hey, that last one was an indication of what's gonna happen in my next movie...
GREEN LANTERN: STILL not part of the script.
SUPERMAN: Anything else?
SUPERGIRL: Oh! Shaq got canned, and now Don Cheadle is playing Steel!
STEEL: Yay for me!
SUPERMAN: Alright, thanks. Green Arrow and Creeper! Give us some sports news!
GREEN ARROW: In sports, Team DC Heroes and Team Marvel Heroes are facing off in parkour tomorrow afternoon.
CREEPER: Is parkour even a sport..?
GREEN ARROW: I dunno... oh well. And Team DC Villains are in the lead in their basketball game against Team Marvel Heroes. Atrocitus and Darkseid made an outstanding pass. Spidey tried to deflect Darkseid's dunk, but things don't work out. And it looks like Cap just got injured by Merlyn!
CREEPER: We'll be playing Team Marvel Villains tomorrow. Look out, Mandarin!
SUPERMAN: Thanks, guys! Batman, it's time for your segment!
BATMAN: Gary the Gaget Dude asks.. is there a Suicide Squad film in the works?
WONDER WOMAN: And what's the answer to that?
BATMAN: The answer i-
STEEL: The answer is true and false. Great question, by the way. As you may know, Amanda Waller and Hugo Strange have made appearances so far, as well as the KGBeast and Deadshot. What our directors are trying to do is build up the Cadmus world. Waller, Strange, the Suicide Squad, and more will appear as Cadmus in a Justice League movie!
WONDER WOMAN: Steel! You're not part of that segment.
STEEL: I know, but I don't have a role in the series!
SUPERMAN: Oh. Well, Batman, it looks like Steel is going to be your partner!
STEEL: Cool!
BATMAN: I hate you all.
WONDER WOMAN: How nice. And now it's time for Robin (played by the AMAZING Josh Hutcherson.. EEE!)'s segment; Quote of the Day!
ROBIN: Imagination is much more important than knowledge. -Albert Einstein. How did I do, Batman?
BATMAN: Eh.
ROBIN: So did I do good?
BATMAN: No.
ROBIN: But Batman! You said the viewers would LOVE ME!
SUPERMAN: It looks like we're out of time! I'm Superman-
WONDER WOMAN: And I'm Wonder Woman-
SUPERMAN: Signing off! See you next time!